Part 2
“OK Jonathan, I tried your method described below, and it did not work in my situation…so now what? I actually think I need to be angry, and remain angry until it’s fixed because my problem I did not create, choose, or contribute to its beginning. It sucks and I can’t put perfume on it.-(Name Omitted)

(Name Omitted),

Thank you first for applying what you learned in The 5 Minute Motivator, and also for sharing your results. You’ve inspired me to start fielding questions more frequently from my readers because I know many are experiencing the same thing.

If you read my article closely, I said it took time for me to come around—a lot of time. What I shared in a few paragraphs took me a couple hours of failed attempts to actually achieve. At first, I was so angry I didn’t want anything to do with being positive. I was pissed! However, as I stated, I realized I needed to make a different decision about being angry about something I can’t change.

There is no “instant attitude change” pill or mantra that works on the spot. Actually, looking for the “quick fix” is actually part of the problem. Certain people (including some of my colleagues) have led us to believe that they have a supernatural control of their emotions that exempts them from ever being exceedingly sad or mad (and for a donation of $19.99 plus shipping, they will teach you how to be perfect, too!)

Pardon my English but it ain’t gonna happen.

If you stubbed your toe on your coffee table, no matter how positive you are, it’s going to hurt! If you took an aspirin to alleviate the pain, it would still take a few minutes to kick in. You know the pain is eventually going to go away, but in the meantime, you have a decision to make.

Are you going to sit and cry about this hurt toe or are you going to say, “I’ve done all I can, so let me put this out of my mind and focus on something else until I feel better.”

This is the part where the attitude that you choose to have becomes a factor. Will you choose to be emotionally intelligent or emotionally ignorant?
For the record, I am not telling people how to feel. My message is that you CHOOSE how you feel. Always remember that YOU determine what happens during your “meantime.” As someone once said, “Pain is inevitable but suffering is optional.”

Years ago, I used to be right there with you. I used to believe that getting fiery mad and acting out was the absolute best way to get through a tough moment. I broke more than a few tennis rackets as a child while learning to play (my backhand still sucks.) I still have the Nintendo with a broken lid because I threw my controller at it when I felt the game was cheating. Oh yeah, I was a mess.

However, with time, maturity, better role models and God literally working on my temper, I developed new ways to cope. Yes, I still get red-hot mad. I still let some things slip that wouldn’t be appropriate around children, but I am now more aware and seek to snap out of it as quickly as possible. The Bible even says, “Be angry, but don’t sin.” It acknowledges that it’s natural to get mad, but you just have to learn how to manage your “meantime.”
I feel the “need” to avoid deep anger because I know it doesn’t serve me.

Based on what I have read, you, at least somewhat, feel as though you “need” to get angry and remain angry until your issue is resolved to your satisfaction.

Therefore, because you see more benefit on that side of the emotional spectrum, you will naturally gravitate toward that reaction and justify its place. In short, you see more benefits/results in anger than another approach. And your “meantime” reflects it.

I suggest you try alternating responses just to see what happens. The truth is, if you didn’t make it (the problem) yourself, you often can’t solve it yourself and neither should you feel responsible to. However, you ALWAYS control your response to the situation.

That was the point of The 5 Minute Motivator. We all endure stuff that sucks and it is our choice to give into the energy of the situation or choose not to allow it to knock us off our game. That’s where the three steps I prescribed come in. They only work when you “really” want to be different than what the normal reaction for the situation would call for.

I hope this helps.

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